Well, I am happy to say that the delay in postings this time is not a result of undesirable behavior. In fact, in spite of one relatively minor mishap, all has been really, really good. And I say this as I am now the mother of a TEENAGER!

Yes, one of my boys (Jake) is now 13 y/o (and 90 pounds!!!). And he wants me to teach him how to “kiss like dack (that)”, meaning WITH HIS TONGUE! I assure you, he was not being sexual with me. As with most things he does, or intends to do, he wants to make sure be good at it before trying. After I picked my jaw up off the floor, he explained to me that he didn’t know how and he wanted me to teach him…he didn’t want me to actually kiss him, he simply wanted me to intruct him how to effectively tongue-kiss a girl. My goodness….are you kidding me? It has to be one of the, if not the, funniest things anyone has ever asked me to do. Of course, I explained to him that it isn’t something mothers teach their boys, that maybe his girlfriend would be willing to teach him. He responded “What if Jake no good? What if girl no like it because Jake no understand how to do it?” And my response was he would have to keep trying, that we all had to learn on our boyfriends or girlfriends :) He accepted my answer, but I know he was discouraged. So funny.

Nick has been extra good lately, accomplishing one of our largest milestones yet. Jake had his 13th birthday party at a local restaurant…Dillon’s version of Chucky Cheese’s. Believe me, it is nothing fancy but the kids love it. And I love it because it means no mess for mama to clean up!!! Anyway, I could not believe all of the kids that showed up for Jake. I seriously don’t think it was for the actual party, they seemed to be there to celebrate with Jake. They bought him the most thoughtful gifts, and all night I watched children be so kind and helpful to him, explaining every little thing, making sure he understood everything, and just being plain good to him. Even when he was opening his presents, the kids were helping him read the cards and explaining their gifts to him….and even more heartwarming was they were all genuinely excited to give him the gifts…they relished in watching his enjoyment. I was thoroughly impressed and amazingly humbled by the kids. Anyway, I am somewhat digressing but also making the point that the whole night was about Jake….Jake, Jake, Jake. And since Nick has pretty much become ostracized by his peers (out of fear of being punched, not sharing, showing off…the list goes on and on!), he wasn’t getting much attention at all. And I am so proud to say that although he was obviously struggling with the evening, he kept himself together and even helped Jake put away all of his presents (when they arrived home). We were darn proud parents, especially considering we had driven two separate cars to the party in anticipation that one of us would have to leave. We were careful to make sure we gave him plenty of individual attention during the party, as well as afterward, and that seemed to help him cope. However, he did most of the “coping” himself, which is phenomenal. He was on edge the rest of the week, which is okay. I honestly can’t believe we made it through that crisis-free! Good for him.

Perhaps as he continues to progress in controlling his anger and temper, and not be such a show off, he can earn back the trust of his peers. I don’t think they are all angels, but I do think the majority of them have been very kind. Unfortunately, kids have started to avoid him like the plague….they have even stopped inviting him places. I feel horrible, but maybe this is what Nick needs. Every time Jake individually gets invited somewhere the mother or father typically apologizes profusely, and although I don’t love it I am okay with it. Nick used to be invited everywhere, and although I don’t think he fully gets why he isn’t anymore, I think he is starting to catch on. He tells me “its okay”, that he didn’t want to go anyway but his face and body language indicate otherwise. Regardless of what he says, I always explain why he wasn’t invited. I don’t like doing it, but maybe this is the best lesson for him…who knows!

So, life has been pretty uneventful in a good way. It is so funny, I used to spend my days searching for excitement and now some of my best days are spent avoiding it! It has been really hard to blog lately, and I assume it will only get harder. Now that they can read, they want to know everything I am typing and honestly I don’t feel like explaining every word to them (which is what they require!). So, I apologize for the delay but the only time I have had lately is after they go to bed and by then I just want to enjoy me-time! I am in San Diego this Saturday – Tuesday foe work, which is why I am able to post. No kiddos lurking. :) I talked with them (including Randy) this afternoon; it appears they having their own type of fun. They were headed to a Superbowl party, and last night they were up until 12:30am playing video games after having pigs-in-a-blanket and instant macaroni and cheese for dinner. Yuck. And when I asked Randy why in the world they were they up so late, he replied they were having a “guys night, doing guy stuff.” Hmmmm….I feel so left out. HA!

Do I miss them (Nick and Jake)? It is hard to answer that question. I love them dearly and wouldn’t trade them for anyone or anything, and I love calling and talking with them, but I am comfortable with the fact that I will see them on Wednesday. I absolutely love being a mom and would love, when the timing is right, to continue to grow our family. But I think my personality also requires Kendra-time and I feel so blessed to have a husband that embraces that (and kiddos that are okay with staying home with “just one”, meaning just papa!). Every time I have a break, even if it is for a half a day, I rejuvenate into a better mother and wife. So for all you moms and dads out there who are like me, MAKE the time for yourself. It helps everyone out! :)

Oh, and by the way….Feb. 9th we will have been home six months! Can you even believe it? I can’t figure out if time has flown or stood still! HAHA!

Love, The Websters

No, we haven't died. We are still here. I haven't posted b/c I was tryng to live by the "if you can't say anything good, don't say anything at all!" saying.  Nick has been on a real roll, so I didn't want to post until I could also say something good about him.  Since I didn't even like him, I wasn't sure anything good could come out of my "mouth."

I have known that the holidays can bring about heightened emotions, behavior, etc. and I was as prepared as I could be for it BEFORE and DURING the holidays....not necessarily the week following!  Nick was close to being back to his old habits....he was a terror.  The good thing I can say is "close"....he wasn't all the way there because he at least seemed to mentally be sticking around and not in a trance-type state.  I think the downhill started, but hadn't carried over into home yet, with all of his fights at school.  Granted, I think part of the time he is being picked on but the other parts are definitely him....I have seen him all too many time being nasty simply because he was in a bad mood.  The home downhill part started with a fight with Jake.  I typically stay out of them, but this time Nick punched Jake in the stomach, causing a blood curdling scream that made me think something terrible had happened!!!  But no, Jake had just had it with Nick and his arrogance and turned off the GameCube.  They have a Madden football game (Christmas present to Jake) that Nick is exceptionally good at and likes to rub it in Jake's face.  Jake has said something to me about Nick's rudeness before, but as I have previously said I like to stay out of their tiffs and told him to solve it himself....that if he didn't want to play with Nick b/c Nick was being mean, it was his game (Nick received the soccer one for Christmas) and he didn't have to share it with him.  Needless to say, Jake continued to play the game with Nick.  Well, finally Jake actually asked Nick to help him play better...he basically asked if instead of playing a high score vs. no score game, would Nick teach him.  Nick said 'no', Jake stood up and turned off the game, Nick slugged Jake. UPon hearing the scream I asked what happened and of course, received two sides of the story.  And basically, I told them I don't care about the story until it becomes one version and until it becomes one version neither of them are going to the birthday party that afternoon and I walked away.  About 15 minutes later they came up with one version (the one above), but Jake was sobbingly saying it was his fault because he turned off the game.  That didn't fly with me and I asked him if he was saying that because he felt that way or because he wanted to go to the party....he cried harder, which gave me the answer.  Not really knowing what else to do, I just talked with him telling him that there are things he is good at and things Nick is good at....that Nick is good at sports and Jake is good at helping Nick with a variety of things as I pointed out how Jake has had to put together anything Nick has ever received.  Looking back, I am sure this is where Nick's anger started to boil but it was the truth, and Jake needs to feel good about himself too.  I also told Jake that we would find someone to help him learn the game better (Randy isn't much of a sports guy) and left it at that with him.  Nick, on the other hand, was still in trouble for hitting.  He of course tried to tell me about the argument a million times and a million-and-one times why it wasn't his fault.  And a million-and-two times I repeated that the argument wasn't of any interest to me....that they are brothers and they will fight and they have to sleep in the same room together - it is up to them if they get along.  However, my rule is no hitting so the fact that he hit Jake is my interest and I want a good explanation for it or he won't attend the birthday party.  At the million-and-third time of that sentence Nick bolted out of the house.  I typically let him run away and he eventually comes back.  However, the roads were really icy so I chased after him, very impressed with myself that I actually CAUGHT him!!!  But not without a nice display of family dysfunction in the front yard....I tackled him.  Luckily, our neighbors are acres away so I don't think anyone has any video footage, but still.  And luckily I know restraining holds and I was able to pick him up and carry him into his bedroom, as well as hear the long awaited statement - "You are not my mother!"  Clear as day English and the funny part was the word "mother"....he has never used that word before!!!  And I am so happy that I don't take things personally because I am sure that statement has a tendency to crush mothers; luckily, I am not one of them.  In fact, I was almost happy to hear it because that was just the statement I needed....no birthday party. HOnestly, I have been waiting for something where Jake was able to go and Nick had to stay home because of his behavior...the timing for that had never happened quite right.  I didn't want it to happen for Nick-reasons, I wanted it to happen for Jake reasons....I wanted Jake to see that being good does have rewards!!!   So, I told Nick that if I wasn't his mother, I sure wasn't doing mother things, like taking him to a birthday party, and I made arrangements for someone else to take Jake to the party (Randy wasn't home and we don't have cell phones...we should probably invest in one of those now, huh?).  Nick must have thought I would crack and let him go because I didn't hear a peep out of him until about 15 minutes before the party when he apologized.  And actually, I really wanted to let him go....it was his girlfriend's birthday party (ouch!!), but I stayed strong and instead of having the house to myself for a couple of hours I had a wailing child.  Not kidding - he cried and cried like I have never heard him cry.  And if I were any type of professional, I might have noted it as a true grieving cry.  The interesting part was he wasn't whole heartedly mad at me - he was mad, but not mad enough to stay away.  At one point I asked him if he wanted to lay down with me and he did, although the crying continued.  He finally fell asleep and didn't fully wake up until the next morning!!!!  He would get up and get something to drink, look around, etc. but he never fully "woke up" until the next day, which brought about a new saga!!!

At noon the next day they were planning on going snowboarding with a friend (Lane) and Lane's mother.  So around 9am we asked them to get all of their things ready and put them in a stack, which they did.  I was so proud, I thought we were so organized!!!  Not.  At 11:50 they were getting in the car to go and I hear screaming....over a pair of gloves.  There was a third pair of gloves in our entry way, which were truly Jake's but we weren't able to confirm that until later, and Jake decided he wanted to take those; Nick said they were his and wouldn't give them to Jake.  After 10 minutes of crying (now 12:00!) Randy took the gloves and gave one of one pair to Nick and one of the other pair to Nick and did the same to Jake.  I don't know if they figured it out at the skihill or if they kept the two different gloves, but whatever.  Then, upon arriving home we were laying out all of their wet clothes in our workshop (detached from the house) and guess what Jake found....Nick's pair of gloves, meaning the "third" pair were indeed Jake's.  Of course, Nick said they weren't his but Jake went into a full scoop story of how they were chopping wood and bla bla bla and Randy said he then remembered, that he also thought the "lost" gloves were Nick's.   So, that put Nick in a bad emotional space, but I didn't realize how bad until I asked him to *please* carry their (Nick and Jake's) wet socks into the house.  He told me one of the pair were Jake's and I informed him that I knew that and I wanted him to carry them inside....it seemed harmless at the time!  Well, he went to Randy to tell him that one of the pairs of socks were Jake's; I heard him talking and reinformed him what I had already told him and Randy said "Get to it!"  Well, upon Nick walking out of the workshop Jake was coming back in (he had gone outside for something, I am not sure what) and Nick gave him the pair of socks. (I know!!!  Can you even believe all of this is over two flippin socks?!!).  At that point I sternly said "Nick take ALL FOUR of the socks into the house *now*!"  Well, evidently on his way into the house he threw them at Jake, who came and told us about it (although it causes more drama, I am very glad that Jake is starting to not let Nick get away with everything....I can only imagine how much he has covered up for him!!!).  Since I "started" it, I went into the house to see why the socks were such a big deal, only to find Nick furious.  When I asked him why he was so mad and why he couldn't carry the socks into the house, he went into a rage about how they weren't his (we actually haven't debated on that kind of topic in awhile, thank goodness!!).  When I told him that didn't matter he moved on to say he was mad because I didn't say "please."  I almost laughed....nice try.  I told him he gets a "please" the first time I ask, but not after that and so he "Please needs to go to his room!".  He replied a big fat "No, you can't make me." Hmmmm..... yep!  I sure can.  I scooped him up and carried him into his room and said "Yes I can, now sit!"  He said "no", so in not one of my better parenting moments held him down, sat on him and said "Yes. You are now sitting. I win!"  I know I was acting even less than his age but I don't think it is possible to have a number for the amount of times I have heard "I win!" come out of his mouth.  No matter how much we redirect him, tell him winning isn't everything, tell him it hurts other children's feelings, it doesn't seem to make any difference.  So, the child in me got the best of me and then Nick's fist got the best of me.....with perfect timing, just as Randy was walking into his room!!!!  It was beautiful timing.

Needless to say, it was a LLLLOONNNNG night for Nick and Randy after that, and actually a long few days!  Randy basically took everything out of Jake's drawer's, dumped it on the bedroom floor and had Nick put it all away while Randy would say "Was this really worth ONE  PAIR of socks, Nick?"  This repeated itself about 10 or more times.... I really don't know, Jake and I went to bed (Randy was up that night to shift back to an overnight work schedule, so he stayed up with Nick and Jake slept with me :).  Randy then gave Nick the option of apologizing to me or to keep working on other things around the house and he chose working.  So, they were up till about 2:00am (yes, Nick had school the next morning, but Randy kept saying 'if you just apologize you won't be tired for school tomorrow', so it was Nick'w own decision).  The irony of the whole thing is, after an evening of refusing to apologize and continuing with the theory that I wasn't his mother, he wanted to come to MY BED to sleep (whihc I let him).  Hmmmmm.......well, at least we are getting somewhere, albeit hidden! 

Of course, he woke up the next morning ignoring me, ignoring me after school as well.  So, that was that....I was "done" being his mama.  I gave him one last chance, stating he had been waiting 12 years for a mama, now he has one and he doesn't want her?  He said "no" and that was that.  I told him he could live here, but I was *not* doing any 'mama-type' things for him.  He had to wash his laundry by hand, he had to do his dishes by hand, I didn't take him to any activities....I even went as far as to make dinner and not let him have any because "mama" made it!!!  And since he is not allowed to cook or cut anything without my help, his choice of dinner was apples, granola bars, cheese and/or lunch meat.  And every morning before school I wake them up (kisses and hugs) and I made Nick set an alarm to get up.  He was baffled by my behavior and inside I was thinking "Ah ha! I win!!!!!" <bad mama>  OH!  and I even took it a step further....I boxed up everything he has ever given me (a common practice of his) and gave it to him, telling him if I am not his mama I don't want his gifts.

A few days later (yes, a few DAYS!) I saw some of the things he had given me back in my room.  I swooped them back up and took them back to him, re-explaining that I don't want them.  That is when he cracked, apologized, said I was his "mamachka" and all has been really good since then  (granted, it has only been a couple of days!).  In fact, some kids were even antagonizing him at school on Thursday and he tried to not fight.  The principal had called me at work, saying Nick was sent to his office for pushing, but it wasn't anything major.  When I picked Nick up from school I asked him how his day was and he actually told me "Not very good.  Talk about it at home, please."  I almost fainted....was this the same kid???  So, later we talked about it in a very calm and adult-like fashion....it felt like I was in fantast land!  Basically, some kids were trying to pick a fight with him incognito (under the desk, etc.) and Nick told them "Nick no more fighting!  Mama papa said no more Cub Scouts, no more music if Nick fighting.  Mama papa said no more fun when Nick fighting, so Nick no fighting." (we are working on that talking in the third-person thing!)  I was baffled.  Really?  Has he been listening and it just didn't seem like it?  Was something really sinking in???  Nick said he even raised his hand to tell the teacher, but it sounded like they were disceting frogs (yuck) and the teacher was occupied with another group of students, therefore not seeing Nick's hand up.  Nick had finally had enough, pushed the child and was sent to the principal's office.  It has all  been more fully settled since then and Nick didn't get in trouble.  In fact, I told him I was quite proud of him, and I still am.  We also had to talk about the fact that he is now known for fighting and therefore others are going to try to fight with him more because they want to see him get in trouble.  I could be fooling myself, but he seemed to understand that concept.

How is Jake?  He is hanging in there.  It is always hard on him when Nick is so disruptful, but at the same time it has to confirm to Jake that he is forever ours....he has got to think that if we aren't giving up on Nick, we sure won't give up on him!!!!  Jake just really doesn't like fighting and he REALLY doesn't like Nick being mean to me....he can't stand it and it seems to be the only thing that truly makes Jake mad.  And in hopes that there isn't anything becoming deep seeded in Jake, he is a real help with Nick.  I don't expect, nor ask, this of Jake...he totally does it on his own when they go to bed.  As I think I have previously mentioned, after/during Nick's rough spells Jake always seems to have fatherly-like talks with Nick....I really wish I knew what they were saying.  He seems to be catching on better in school,  but still seems to have holes in his brain.  I am sure they aren't true holes but one minute he understands things and the next he is totally oblivious to how to do it, or at least that is how he acts.  If I had one wish for my family (aside from the typical health, etc.) it would  be to know what is their true personality and what is from being institutionalized and abandoned for 12 years.   It is this eternal guessing game that has no real answer....only guesses.  It is so hard to distinguish what should be viewed as a "problem" and what should be dismissed...instead of being able to figure it out over the course of 12 years we are trying to figure all of it out at once.  I think we do a good job, usually, of prioritizing and I am thankful for that.  But I still look forward to knowing the difference betweent he two, assuming that day comes.  And regarding the football game, Randy stayed up all night and learned how the play that silly game, learning it so well he can easily beat Nick.  At first Nick claimed it was because Randy had the "orange" controller, then he said it was because he wasn't the home team, then he said it was because Randy rigged the game.  He is now out of excuses and has to admit that he *isn't* the best at the game.  In addition, although Jake can't beat Nick yet, he is able to score because Randy taught him some plays, explaining to Nick that he is helping Jake because Nick wouldn't.  So far, Nick seems to be taking it okay but I would  bet money that at some point Nick flares up over it!!

Today the boys are out enjoying our "family" Christmas present!  We all used the money we received from relatives to enroll the boys in the Little Skiers program.  It is a 5 week course (every Saturday) that includes equipment, food, lift tickets, lessons and roundtrip transportation.  The boys get to be with friends, burn energy and learn how to snowboard and we (Randy and me) basically bought ourselves free time on Saturdays :)  The funny thing is when Nick and Jake left this morning they were sooooooo sad for me.  They think that me being home alone (Randy is sleeping today; he works tonight) is the worst thing they could do to me....any time it has happened they have been worried about "mama home just one".  It is hilarious and sweet all at the same time.  But the funny thing is I don't crave the alone time like I used to (when they are behaving!!!).  I think part of it is I have gotten used to having them around, but the other part is they aren't as velcro-ish as they were...I can actually tell them to leave me alone for five minutes and they do without being sent into tears.  And when Nick isn't punching and hating me, they have become more friend-like to me instead of chaotic.  Now if I could just learn how to manage my time better, we may actually be getting somewhere.  I feel like I never have any time to do anything except care for me, my immediate family (including animals) and our house.  I am sure I will get there, but I do hope it is sooner than later!!!!!!

Sorry for the huge gap in posting.

Love,

The Websters